how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
