i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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