I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A+ Viking dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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