tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
