Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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