Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
