Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
