I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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