Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
