Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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