is your mom at the bar?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
