I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
