I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
