please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
