just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
