Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
