Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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