I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
