I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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