i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
