my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
