Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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