Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
