I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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