sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
