my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
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Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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