you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
