I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
