Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
