So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize