I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
