New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
