tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
