the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need moral support for this bender
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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