After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are all done wearing pants today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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