Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
