I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
