Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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