I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
