dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
