i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
