Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
