I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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