How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
