at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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