How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
