i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
