so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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