oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
