At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
