I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
