Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
