there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
