pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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