Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
