I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
