I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
