someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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