my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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