dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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