yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
