Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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