The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
