Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
