Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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