does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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