white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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